im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
