a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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