Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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