i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
