So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
