It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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