Can i not drive my cunt home
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
