I cannot find my penis.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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