3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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