playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
