I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
