I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't make out with my wife yet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
