even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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