He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im holly from the hills drunk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
