Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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