When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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