Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy sore nipples Batman
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
