Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
