My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
