i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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