i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I supernannyed him into submission
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
