so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
