i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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