Plan B is the new Plan A
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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