Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
