I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
