So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
