His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
