this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When are your genitals available?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
