shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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