first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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