Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
