If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
