I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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