if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize