And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
