I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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