perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
