clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
