I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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