Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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