You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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