false alarm. still invincible.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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