I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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