Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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