Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
