party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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