matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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