the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
