I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
