Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
