what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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