Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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