WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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