I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
