Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
