The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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