Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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