a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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