those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
