it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
