You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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