i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
