He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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