i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
