i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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