Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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