I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
