No stitches, just platelets and will power
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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